PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
