He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
