I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
