Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
