Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
As shirtless as possible
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
