If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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