And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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