Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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