He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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