That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
