She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
