Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
