And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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