She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
