It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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