farters have to be the big spoon...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
