remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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