She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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