Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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