yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
