you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
