4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
