I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
