Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
