I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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