Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Pooping to opera.
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