i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have aggressive nipples.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
