If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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