apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
