At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
