I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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