I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
