i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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