I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
