will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
