yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
