guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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