There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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