Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
40s are totally the cure
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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