never play flip cup with pint glasses
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
