margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
