he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
