Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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