it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
