GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
