Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
