I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
