How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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