i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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