I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
