I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
