So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
