I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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