Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
