i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
